Daniel Clarkson
Ok, this will have to take some thought. Only six guests? Well there are going to be a lot of disappointed real/fiction/dead/alive people out there! Batman you were close, had it been seven I’d have let you in but you didn’t quite might the cut, hope this doesn’t make things awkward between us! Ok, six people here we go.
First off would have to be Eric Morecambe. It’s his fault that I do what I do and even considered ever being in a double act so he has a lot to answer for and I need him at the table to provide answers! I was brought up on the Morecambe and Wise Christmas special repeats, and some of my happiest childhood memories were sitting with my Dad, both of us crying with laughter. I think with Mr Morecambe at the table there wouldn’t be a dull moment and a lot of merriment would ensue.
Next to the party would be Audrey Hepburn. Why? Because she’s Audrey Hepburn! She couldn’t help but raise the sophistication of the party, she’d provide the suave and glamour that encapsulated Hollywood’s golden age and I just don’t think is seen enough now days. Plus I fancy the pants of her!
As I seem to be going boy girl I’ll stick with this as a good traditional seating plan and the next lucky man to join us would be Winston Churchill. I am a real history geek, especially modern history and the war years and Churchill is without a doubt one of my favourite historical figures. I feel we could have some very intellectual, deep political discussions although from a lot of books I’ve read on him he might well just get a bit drunk, hit on Audrey and then fall asleep in the corner! Either way I feel he’d be a good addition.
So a lady next and I’d like my table to welcome Tracy Chapman. I love her voice; I find it so soothing and enchanting. Every time I sit down to write I always make sure Tracy’s playing in the background, in fact ‘Fast Car’ is playing now as I write this! It’s a sneaky one as I’ve invited her hoping she’d bring her guitar and entertain us between main course and dessert.
Right! Going to throw in a curve ball here and invite a character of fiction. Really getting our party started and taking the head of the table is The Ghost of Christmas Present from A Christmas Carol! As Dickens says when he appears to Scrooge: ‘Heaped up on the floor, to form a kind of throne, were turkeys, geese, game, poultry, brawn, great joints of meat, sucking-pigs, long wreaths of sausages, mince-pies, plum-puddings, barrels of oysters, red-hot chestnuts, cherry-cheeked apples, juicy oranges, luscious pears, immense twelfth-cakes, and seething bowls of punch, that made the chamber dim with their delicious steam.’ How could you not invite him? He comes with an already prepared Christmas Feast, so that’s cooking done! Plus he is the embodiment of joy and everything that Christmas stands for and he can only stay on the earth for a limited time so there would be no danger of him outstaying his welcome!
The last guest to the party to make up this elite six would simply be, my mum. Now I’m sure everyone thinks this, but I know my mum is the greatest most exceptional woman on the planet! I decided a while ago that she must live in a world where days have more hours as I just can’t fathom how she is able to do all that she does for everyone in a regular 24-hour day! She’d never believe with my culinary skills that I could pull off a dinner party! (I wouldn’t tell her that the Ghost of Christmas Present did most of the catering.
So that’s my six and I feel we’d have an amazing time, the wine would flow and the conversation would be rich, so much so that we’d be able to ignore Batman still sulking outside from his lack of invite. Geez you’d think he’d take the hint!
Jefferson Turner
I am going to have to start with my favourite comedic performer of all time: Mr Ronnie Barker. I have always loved him, for as long as I can remember, and anything I have ever seen him do has made me laugh. He is one half of a double act, and one that didn’t have a straight man, which is no mean feat. He is an absolute master of word play, which is perfect for a refined, witty, dinner party. He was also, by all accounts, the most humble of men, and therefore would not try to steal the limelight from me. It IS my party, after all.
Second, I am going to have to choose Homer Simpson. The Simpsons is my favourite show of all time. I love this show, to a geeky level, and genuinely think it is the smartest program to ever hit our screens. Speaking of smart; Homer is not, and this will play to my advantage. His table manners and brain power are both quite poor, so he can only make me look good in comparison. And having him there will prevent me from being the biggest glutton at the table!
A dinner party needs food, and I want interesting, fun, inventive food. So, to help me with this will be Heston Blumenthal. I love that he makes food into theatre, and this should fit the feel of my meal very much. He also is a total food geek, and I tend to like anyone who has a real passion for their particular area of geekery.
I would like a great world leader from history at my dinner. I was tempted by Churchill and Disraili, but I think I shall venture across the pond for my guest. I so very nearly chose Bill Clinton, as I just think he would be a fantastic dinner party guest, but instead have gone for my namesake; Thomas Jefferson. One of the all-time greatest presidents, and a very colourful character. He would bring the gravitas needed to my meal, and I hope that he will approve of my borrowing his name.
I would be unable to choose a dream six, and not have a Python in there. For me, it is, and has always been, Terry Jones. He is a funny, funny man, and I don’t think I need any further reason. If he could point at me, and say: ‘He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy’, my life would be complete.
Hmmm, this is all a little bit lacking in female company, so I had better do something to alter that, and invite Tina Fey. Clever, hilarious, satirical, talented, politically aware & beautiful. What is not to like? Can I be sat next to her please…?
There are so many giants of comedy that I couldn’t include, I’d have loved to have thrown in Morecambe, Monkhouse, Mortimer & Mayall and that is just the ‘M’s. If you need any more suggestions, just come back to me. I like eating, I can host more of these…
And you are…?
Dan graduated from Bretton Hall in 2000 with a spring in his step and a smile on his face. Jeff graduated from the University of Plymouth in 2002, and after three years lost in theatre wilderness he met Dan in 2005.
They are probably best known for creating Potted Pirates, the Olivier-nominated Potted Panto, and Potted Potter which received its own Olivier nomination last spring.
In 2009-10 the pair presented in the CBBC office. Jeff says he thinks he did other work before he met Dan who says anything he did do doesn’t matter any more.
Potted Potter is on tour in Ireland later this year. Exact dates are to be confirmed.